


Chosen

by sherrisscribbles (annella)



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Modern Thedas, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:22:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7640017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annella/pseuds/sherrisscribbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen has been a regular at the library where Dorian works for a while now, and when Dorian notices that Cullen has been spending a lot more time there, he bites the bullet and asks him out. But life never runs smoothly for Dorian, and this is no exception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to just-some-random-face, somanynugs, and redxluna for advising, guiding, and just plain encouraging me. Art by dankou, thank you so much!
> 
> Story is almost complete, I'll be posting chapters every week or two to give me a chance to finish the last one off. :)

"He's back," Varric said, nudging Dorian.

"Who?"

"Your Buffy fan." Varric pointed towards the corner of the audio visual suite, where a distinctive mop of long, curly blond hair was just visible over the top of one of the cubicles.

"Is this is the fourth day in a row?" Dorian hissed. Until now, Dorian had been lucky to see Cullen once a week, but it seemed the man had been here almost all day, every day, for the past four days. Not that Dorian was objecting; he had been harbouring a painful crush on Cullen for months.

"Yeah, Cassandra said he was here while you were off. He's up to season three now. He must be getting through half a season every day."

Dorian watched the top of Cullen's head for a moment before sighing and getting to work shelving DVDs from the trolley. During his shift he kept glancing back to the corner of the room to make sure Cullen's hair was still visible and he wasn't passed out on the desk. Apart from the occasional trip to what Dorian assumed was the bathroom and a lunch break in the middle of Dorian's shift, the guy barely moved the whole afternoon.

Eventually it was almost time to close the library for the night, and Dorian had to go over and nudge Cullen.

"We're closing in ten," he said, and Cullen blinked at him for a moment before taking the headset off.

"Sorry, what?"

"Closing. In ten. Sorry."

Cullen nodded. "Thanks, Dorian. Almost done." Dorian glanced at the screen and saw that he was, indeed, almost done - the credits were about to roll on the episode he was up to. Dorian would never admit to anyone that he knew this because he'd mainlined Buffy a few too many times. Hadn't everyone?

Cullen gave him a smile when he returned to the desk. "Thanks," he said quietly, handing the DVDs to Dorian.

"Enjoying the show so far?" Dorian asked.

"That last episode, with the witch hunts, that was pretty intense," Cullen admitted. "The way Buffy's mother just turned on her…" He shuddered. "Yikes."

"I know what you mean," Dorian replied. "Gotta say, that one isn't my favourite episode."

"I should let you close up," Cullen said apologetically, looking around and seeing the dimmed lights. "See you later." He gave Dorian a brief wave, a smile, and then was gone.

Dorian watched him leave, and sighed.

"Is he okay?" Varric asked. "I've never seen him here this regularly."

"Not sure," Dorian replied. "Let's see if he's back tomorrow."

Cullen was indeed back the next day, already several hours into the second half of season three by the time Dorian started his afternoon shift. When he also showed up a few minutes after the library opened on Friday and then once again on Saturday, Dorian was genuinely concerned.

"Okay, I have to ask," he said, when Cullen asked him for season five on Sunday, "is everything alright? Not that you have to tell me--" he hastened to add when Cullen frowned a little, "--but this is a lot of Buffy to swallow in such a short time. Most people space it out, y'know? This shit is pretty intense, even I took a few weeks to get through it all."

Cullen looked a little amused by the time Dorian finished rambling. "I'm fine." Dorian frowned at him disbelievingly, and he held up his hands a little defensively. "No, really! I just have some time off and when I came in the first day I really enjoyed the first season. I didn't mean to come back every day, but--" He shrugged helplessly. "You know how it is."

"I understand," Dorian said, nodding sagely. "It's pretty addictive." He handed season five and a pair of headphones to Cullen with a smile, and Cullen blushed faintly when their fingers brushed together. A nervous smile lit up his face and he fled to his usual spot.

Varric nudged him when Cullen was out of sight in his usual corner. "Did you see that?"

"I did." Dorian was disappointed that his shift was a short one today, and he'd probably have left by the time Cullen called it a day. He had his weekend starting tomorrow, and he vaguely hoped Cullen wouldn't show up while he wasn't there. He sighed; at least he'd be working again on Wednesday, by which time Cullen would probably be up to season six. He was considering asking Cullen out for coffee when he was done with the whole series. At least they would have plenty to talk about after Cullen's marathon session.

"Varric!" Dorian suddenly remembered, right before he left, what was about to happen.

"What?"

"He's watching season five. Remember what happens in season five? Remember who _dies_?"

Varric and Dorian shared a concerned look. "That's gonna be tomorrow," Varric said.

"You're working tomorrow, right?"

Varric nodded. "I'll try to surreptitiously pass him some tissues."

"Probably a good idea." Dorian had been a mess after _that_ episode. There had been sobbing. A lot of sobbing. There had also been wine. Poor Cullen was going to get a bit of a shock tomorrow.

 

He tried not to think about Cullen on his days off, instead spending them catching up on reading, playing video games, and deleting a larger than usual number of emails and text messages from his father. When he opened the AV suite on Wednesday morning, he wasn't surprised to see Cullen there a few minutes later. He looked a little worn out, which didn't surprise Dorian in the least.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked.

"Uhh," Cullen said, rubbing the back of his neck, "define okay."

Dorian nodded understandingly. "Joyce?"

Cullen nodded. "That was the biggest shock I've ever experienced from a TV show."

"You and me both," Dorian replied.

Cullen cleared his throat. "I should probably keep going on season six if I want to get through it today," he said.

"Say no more," Dorian said, and went to the shelves to find the DVDs.

 

Disaster struck the next day when Cullen arrived for season seven. "I'm so sorry," Dorian said with a sigh. "This happens sometimes, and I should have checked before, but it looks like our copy of season seven has been missing for the past few months. We haven't ordered a new one yet because of budget cuts."

Cullen's face fell. "Oh. Um. That's okay. I can probably pick it up cheap somewhere." He rubbed the back of his neck, and Dorian seized opportunity by the balls. He probably wouldn't have a chance like this ever again.

"I have it at home," he said. "You could, uh. Come watch it at my place. If you're free tonight." Behind him, Varric suddenly went into a prolonged coughing fit and Dorian turned to glare at him, thus giving himself the chance to compose his face for the potential letdown.

"Um. That would be nice. Um." Cullen cleared his throat, and Dorian turned back to see that Cullen's usual faint blush was no longer faint; it was bright red and covered his entire face. He was smiling, though, and Dorian took that as a good sign, grabbing a post it note and a pen.

"Here's my address and phone number. I finish here at four and should be home by five. Come over around six." He gave Cullen the note, his heart beating a little faster than normal when their fingertips touched.

"You d-- you don't have to," Cullen stuttered. "I mean, not that I don't want to, it's just." He took the note and looked up to meet Dorian's eyes. "Thank you. I'd really like that."

"Bring dinner," Dorian instructed. "I like almost anything, but I'm partial to Antivan." He grinned at Cullen, who smiled back a little shyly before leaving.

"Smooth," Varric said.

"Oh, shut up," Dorian grunted. His heart was still beating too fast, and a nervous sweat had sprung up all over him.

"No, I'm serious. That was actually pretty smooth."

"What if he's a serial killer? I may have just condemned myself to death. I have invited a man I barely know to my home."

"Unlikely to be a serial killer, " Varric said, typing something into the computer and peering at the screen over the top of his glasses. "Look, not only has he watched almost all of Buffy, but he's also borrowed almost every Disney movie we have on the catalogue over the past six months."

"That's either a definite yes or a definite no," Dorian pointed out. "You'd better call me around seven to make sure I'm not dead."

"If you don't answer, I'll assume things are going really well. Which they will. You guys have been flirting with each other for months. Even Cassandra has noticed."

"No we haven't!"

Varric rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. Every time he talks to you he's blushing."

Dorian couldn't stop himself from fretting, though. "What if he's straight?" Now that he had a maybe-date with the guy, Dorian immediately started second guessing himself.

"Nope," Varric said. "He kept peeking over the top of the cubicle when you were shelving over there yesterday. He was very subtle, but he was definitely watching you. He has been for the past few days, I'm surprised you didn't notice."

Dorian blinked at him. "Oh. Well, that's … a good sign."

"And the other day, I _definitely_ caught him checking out your ass."

"Oh!" Dorian grinned. "Well, you can't blame him." He frowned and rubbed his face, wondering whether to shave his beard off for the occasion. It was fairly new and he quite liked it, but--

"Keep it," Varric instructed. "It makes that ridiculous mustache look a bit less silly."

Dorian threw an empty DVD case at his head, and Varric laughed as he ducked out of the way.

 

The rest of Dorian's shift went by painfully slowly. The library was always quiet on a weekday until the after school crowd arrived, and there wasn't much to do in the AV suite to keep him busy. By the time he finished, the shelves were immaculate, the entire place had been dusted, and Varric was about to throw something at him.

"But what if--" Dorian started.

"Shut up! Go home!"

Dorian ducked the eraser hurled in his direction. "Fine! If this goes badly, I'll never forgive you." He went into the back room to grab his bag and clock off, and swallowed another 'what if'.

The drive home was hectic, and Dorian was gripping the steering wheel hard enough to hurt his hands by the time he finally got home. He distracted himself by tidying up his apartment and having a shower, and when he was done he quickly checked his phone in case Cullen was early. Thankfully not, but there was another email from Halward, titled _we need to talk_ , and he deleted it without reading it. He flopped down on the couch and took a few deep breaths, almost managing to relax a little when his phone buzzed just before six.

_It's Cullen. Be there in 5._

Dorian forced himself to breathe and did a last minute check to make sure there was nothing embarrassing visible anywhere. He glanced in the bedroom mirror to check his hair and straighten his mustache, decided at the last minute to change into a different shirt, and had just sprayed on some cologne when he heard the door buzz.

"Calm down, Pavus," he muttered to himself as he went to buzz Cullen up, "he's just here to watch some DVDs. That's all." The encouraging words didn't help, and his palms were sweating by the time he heard a knock on the door.

He took a deep breath, smoothed his hair and beard one last time, and opened the door. 

Cullen had changed out of his usual scruffy old jeans and plaid shirt, and was instead dressed in a pair of very nicely cut dark jeans and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He smiled tentatively at Dorian, holding out a large plastic bag from which emanated the smell of something delicious, and Dorian gulped.

"Uh, hey. Come in," he said, clearing his throat to cover the squeak in his voice. He stepped back to let Cullen in, and quietly inhaled as the other man walked past him. There was a slight hint of cologne, and his usual mass of seemingly out of control blond curls had been tamed and loosely tied back. Things were looking up. Most people didn't dress in smart casual and wear cologne if they were only planning on watching DVDs with a friend.

"I got Antivan," Cullen said, handing the bag of food to Dorian. "There's a place near mine I get dinner from about once a week, and they're always good."

"Sounds good," Dorian said, gesturing towards the living room as he headed into the kitchen. "Make yourself at home, I'll get plates and cutlery." Once out of Cullen's sight, he leaned against the counter for a moment to catch his breath. That tiny hint of cologne had made his knees a little weak, and he couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to lick Cullen's neck.

"Get a grip," he mumbled as he grabbed plates and cutlery. On a whim, he opened the fridge and pulled out one of the bottles of Tevinter wine he'd had in there for over a month now. He somehow managed to get from the kitchen to the living room without dropping anything, and put everything on the coffee table in front of Cullen before going back for wine glasses.

When he got back to the living room, he found Cullen examining the wine, and felt his cheeks flush. "We don't have to drink that," he said. "I've had it in the fridge for ages, but if you want something else--"

"This is fine," Cullen said, smiling brightly. "Really." He put the wine down and started arranging plates and containers of food.

"Did you expect a crowd?" Dorian said, eyeing the amount of food coming out of the bag. It looked like Cullen had ordered half the menu, and his stomach grumbled at the warm smells.

Cullen laughed softly. "I wasn't sure what you would like. So I got a few things. Um. Moussaka? Paella? I got a bunch of tapas too." Dorian just stared at him, lost for words, and Cullen turned red. "Sorry. I might have gone a bit overboard."

"No, this is good," Dorian said firmly, sitting down next to him and opening the wine. "It looks delicious." He poured out two glasses and handed one to Cullen, feeling his heart speed up when their fingers brushed on the stem of the glass. He avoided Cullen's gaze as they opened containers and filled their plates, and to cover his confusion, Dorian turned the TV on and started the DVD.

They didn't talk much during the first episode, apart from, "more wine?" and "pass me the bread." Cullen was enthralled, but Dorian found himself becoming more and more distracted by Cullen's presence so close to him that he could feel the heat emanating from his body. He had seen this season at least four times, once less than two months ago, so it didn't hold his attention the way it once did.

He tried not to creep on Cullen, tried not to look at him more than the occasional glance, but it was tricky. Cullen had been a regular at the library since before Dorian started there six months ago and although they'd chatted a fair bit in short bursts, this was the first time he'd been so physically close to the man. There was a scar bisecting his top lip which Dorian had noticed in passing, and he wondered how Cullen had got it. It almost looked like a knife had caught his lip, and Dorian winced inwardly imagining how much it must have hurt.

By the end of the first episode, Dorian had eaten his fill and finished two glasses of wine. Cullen had just finished his second glass as well, and Dorian held the bottle up questioningly. Cullen nodded, scraping the last of the rice off his plate and swallowing it quickly while Dorian poured out the last of the bottle. There was barely enough for a few mouthfuls each, and he carefully divided the dregs between the two glasses.

"So. What do you think so far?" Dorian asked, sipping his wine.

"It's different," Cullen said thoughtfully. "I don't know how but it just feels like it's turned around somewhere along the line. I almost feel like I'm watching a different show. Which isn't surprising, considering how season six ended, I guess."

"Ha. Yes. You could say that," Dorian agreed. "Season six ended in a bit of a clusterfuck all round, wouldn't you say?"

"Definitely," Cullen murmured. He drained his wine and put the glass down, wiping the condensation on his hands onto his jeans. "It was a bit of a red herring having those three idiots as the bad guys all season and then bam! Evil Willow. I was not expecting that."

"Personally, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive Joss for killing Tara," Dorian said. "So I can sort of understand Willow's motives."

Cullen nodded. "That was rough. Oh hey, can I use your bathroom?"

Dorian pointed the way, and while Cullen was gone, he quickly tidied up the plates and glasses, putting the leftover food in the fridge for Cullen to take home with him. There was another bottle of wine in the fridge, and he stared at it, considering. It took more than a bottle of wine drunk over the course of several hours to knock him flat, but he didn't want Cullen to think he was trying to get him drunk.

"Careful," Cullen said, and Dorian jumped, the fridge door slamming in his surprise. He hadn't heard Cullen coming up behind him, and Cullen laughed. "Sorry. I was going to say, if you're not careful I'll think you're trying to keep me here. I did drive, after all."

"Sorry!" Dorian said. "I should have thought-- I mean, if you want--" He stopped and sighed. "Do you want something else? I've got some juice, I think." He opened the fridge again and peered inside. "Unless you _want_ more wine?" He didn't look at Cullen when he said it, hoping to hide his blush inside the fridge.

"More wine would be good," Cullen replied, his voice sounding incredibly close. Dorian turned to find his face just inches away, and he took a deep breath.

Cullen suddenly stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Sorry. Um. I'm not sure if you want -- I mean -- I should be okay to drive home in an hour or two, but--"

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, and Dorian inhaled deeply, smelling that musky cologne again. Cullen's gaze flicked down to Dorian's mouth and back up again, and he bit his lip.

It was hard to say who closed the gap first, but something snapped in both of them almost simultaneously and Dorian suddenly had Cullen all up in his space, his lips pressed against Dorian's.

The first kiss was tentative; Dorian half-expected Cullen to push him away, and Cullen clearly expected the same. When neither of them backed off it quickly turned desperate, open mouthed and messy, and Dorian pushed Cullen back until his ass hit the counter behind him. He followed close, sliding his hands up into Cullen's hair and tugging the tie out so he could tangle his fingers into the thick curls and tilt Cullen's head back a little, the better to easily reach his mouth. His hair was just as soft as Dorian had been imagining, and Cullen let out a soft groan.

" _Maker_ ," Cullen breathed into his mouth as Dorian leaned down for another kiss, and Dorian had to agree. Cullen had a wicked tongue and he used it to devastating effect, sliding it into Dorian's mouth and twining it against his own. A quiet whimper escaped Dorian, and he felt Cullen's hands slide down his back until they were firmly gripping his ass.

Dorian wasn't sure how they made it back into the living room, but he quickly got Cullen down onto the sofa so he could straddle his thighs. Desire beat in his eardrums and his jeans were starting to feel uncomfortably tight as he leaned in for another kiss. Cullen moaned softly when their hips grinded together, and Dorian could tell Cullen was in a similar state of arousal.

"It's going to take a while to get through Buffy at this rate," Cullen said, pulling away and rubbing a thumb gently across Dorian's mouth. Dorian chuckled, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Cullen's. Cullen's eyes were dark, his pupils so dilated Dorian could barely see the rim of golden brown iris.

"Did you want to watch another episode?" Dorian asked. He suddenly wondered if he was pushing things, moving faster than Cullen was comfortable with.

"Maybe in a bit," Cullen murmured, laying the palm of his hand against Dorian's cheek. He leaned into the touch, turning his head to nuzzle Cullen's palm. "I'd kind of like to kiss you some more first."

"Just kiss?" Dorian asked in a low voice, tilting his head to kiss Cullen's neck. He breathed in the scent of his cologne and kissed a line up to his ear, enjoying the smooth warmth of Cullen's recently shaved cheek rubbing against his short beard. It was just as incredible to lick Cullen's neck as he'd imagined earlier, and he resisted the urge to suck a bruise into the pale skin.

"For tonight, maybe just kissing?" Cullen said tentatively. He sounded nervous, like he was worried Dorian would get annoyed with his desire to slow down, and Dorian felt a sudden surge of protectiveness. Distantly, he heard his phone ping several times in a row, but he ignored it. It was probably only his father, and he definitely had more important things to worry about right now.

"Fine with me," he replied before taking Cullen's earlobe between his teeth and biting gently. Cullen gasped, his hands on Dorian's hips tightening, and Dorian smiled.

"You're, ah, very good at this," Cullen said softly, tilting his head up to reclaim Dorian's mouth. "I have to confess -- mmm -- I might have been imagining what this would be like."

Dorian nodded. "Me too." He hid his face in Cullen's neck again, trying to hide the stupid grin on his face.

Cullen's hands came up to cup the back of Dorian's head and he combed his fingers through his hair as he kissed him again. Dorian gave in to the sensations, the searing kisses sending bolts of desire straight to his groin. He wanted nothing more than to unzip their jeans and rut against Cullen until they both came all over each other. He wanted to slide down to the floor and take Cullen's dick in his mouth, suck him until he was a hot mess. He wanted to-- he had to _stop_.

"Cullen," he mumbled.

"Hmm?" Cullen shifted his hips, and Dorian gasped as their cocks pressed together through their jeans.

"We should stop." It was the hardest thing Dorian had ever had to say, but there was no way he was going to push Cullen into letting his dick make the decisions after he'd already set a limit on tonight. There would be other nights, Cullen had clearly implied that.

Cullen pulled away, his head falling back to rest on the cushions at the back of the couch. "You are seriously testing my resolve," he said. Dorian kissed him once more, quickly and gently, and slid off his lap to sit next to him on the couch.

"More Buffy?" he asked, picking up the remote. Cullen nodded, and once the DVD was playing again, Dorian pulled him close and put an arm around him. Cullen rested his head against Dorian's chest, and Dorian completely failed to suppress a happy sigh. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen takes Dorian somewhere fun for their second date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where this fic earns its E rating.

Cullen went home once the first disc was finished. Dorian asked him if he wanted to stay for more, but Cullen noticed that Dorian was clearly flagging. He'd been at work all day when Cullen had done nothing except sit around his apartment and play video games between bouts of nervous sweating and breathless pacing. He declined to stay longer, but didn't object to Dorian leaning over to kiss him again.

That part took a while, and by the time Cullen left he was almost completely hard in his jeans and Dorian's immaculately styled hair was gorgeously tousled. Dorian had pushed him up against his front door and kissed him until he was dizzy, a feeling which was only intensified by the sensation of Dorian's cock pressed firmly against his, the fabric of their jeans not doing nearly enough to dull the feeling. The drive home was enough to mostly cool him off, however, and once he was unlocking his front door he thought he could probably walk past his roommate without embarrassing himself.

As soon as he got the door open, Leliana was there.

"Tell me everything," she said, her eyes gleaming.

"It was totally a date," Cullen said triumphantly, tossing his keys on the side table and heading into the kitchen to put away the leftovers Dorian had forced on him.

"I told you!" Leliana said, laughing, and followed him into the kitchen. "Aren't you glad you took my advice and didn't just wear your old jeans and that terrible shirt you were planning on?"

"Very glad," Cullen agreed. He stashed the leftovers in the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water while he was in there. "I think he liked my cologne, too."

"Of course he did," Leliana said smugly. "So. Tell me. Was it worth all those hours you've been sitting on your ass in the library?"

Cullen smiled faintly, remembering the feel of Dorian's lips against his own and the delightful scratch of his short beard on his face. He didn't quite have stubble burn, but the tingling in his face meant he was probably a bit red, even if he hadn't already been blushing. "Completely."

"Did you kiss him? Considering your hair is now loose again and _very_ messy, I'm going with yes."

Cullen's smile widened. "We might have kissed a little." He took a drink from his water bottle and ran a hand through his hair, realising belatedly that his hair tie was probably still on Dorian's kitchen floor.

"Fine," Leliana said. "Keep your secrets -- you know I'll find out anyway. I'm going to bed." She turned and left, and Cullen finished his water off before heading to his own room. 

 

In the darkness of his bedroom, Cullen closed his eyes and thought about the weird day he had just had. He had been taken completely by surprise when Dorian invited him over, and had gone home in a panic to ask Leliana's advice. 

"It's a date!" she insisted. "He asked you to come to his place to watch DVDs! He might as well have asked you to come over for Netflix and chill!"

"Or he's just being a nice guy," Cullen retorted. "He felt sorry for me, I think."

"Oh, please," Leliana said with an eyeroll, "he's a librarian. I've known a lot of librarians, and not once has one offered to lend a patron a book from their own personal library, let alone said, 'oh hey come to my place and watch this show with me'."

"But what if I--"

"What are you going to wear?" Leliana interrupted.

Cullen shrugged. "This?" He gestured at what he had on -- his most comfortable jeans and an old shirt -- and she sighed.

Cullen had to admit, her choice of outfit had been well received. He still remembered the way Dorian's eyes had lit up when he opened the door, and he had also noticed Dorian's not-so-subtle attempt to smell him as he walked past. It had helped calm his racing heart a little, to know that he hadn't been imagining Dorian's attraction. He'd even managed to relax enough to feel confident in making a move, something Cullen would not even have considered a year ago.

The standout moment, however, was the kissing, and that was what Cullen wanted to remember most right now. Dorian's mustache tickling his face, his soft lips pressed against his own, his hands tangled in Cullen's hair--

Cullen muffled a groan in his pillow and slid a hand down into his underwear. He'd been turned on for what felt like hours, the flames dying down every so often only to be revived within seconds when Dorian kissed him again. He was aching now, almost wishing he'd had the guts to say yes to Dorian's implied request to stay the night. 

His cock was hard and damp in his fist and he gripped it tight, rutting against his hand and the mattress. He paused briefly to get some lotion from the top drawer then really got into it, gasping into his pillow as he fucked his first. He vividly remembered the feel of Dorian's thighs astride his hips, the sharp smell of his cologne, his hard cock rubbing against Cullen's.

In his imagination, Cullen didn't back off. He unzipped Dorian's jeans, reaching into his underwear to free his cock. He slid his hands down to hold his ass and leaned forward to take him in his mouth. 

"Fuck," he whispered. His cock was leaking, slick and hot in his hand, and he stroked himself frantically while he imagined sucking Dorian's dick. He imagined Dorian groaning above him, gasping his name. The small sounds Dorian had made while they were kissing had driven Cullen mad with lust, and the thought of those noises accompanying Dorian coming down his throat was enough to make Cullen reach his peak, his hips jerking and rutting against the mattress as he came into his hand.

One quick clean up later and Cullen was drifting off to sleep, already imagining his next evening with Dorian. 

 

_Good morning :)_

_Did you just wake up? It's almost midday :o i've been at work for hours!_

_I'm on holiday. And I didn't sleep very well ;)_

Dorian smiled at his phone, glad he was alone in the breakroom as he felt a warmth suffuse his cheeks. He hadn't slept very well either -- twice he'd ended up with his hand on his cock thinking about Cullen -- but there was no way he could have justified calling in sick to work. For starters, Varric would never believe any reason he came up with.

_Oh? Why's that?_

He sipped his third cup of coffee for the day and watched his phone screen, grinning when he saw the dots indicating Cullen was typing. Several times he saw Cullen delete, start, and delete again before a reply finally popped up.

_I had quite a lot on my mind_

Dorian chuckled and was about to send a response when another message popped up, from another person. He scowled to himself and winced as a stab of remembered pain echoed through his skull -- why couldn't Halward just leave it alone? It had been _five years_ \-- and deleted it. Despite his best efforts, however, he managed to read the first line of the message before deleting it, and his heart sank. _I will be in Denerim in one month, I expect to see you_. 

Not for the first time, Dorian thanked Andraste that his father didn't know exactly where he was living now. Thankfully, another message from Cullen came through just then, and it was enough to put the smile back on his face.

_I mean, what's with this season of buffy? This shit is weird._

_;)_

"You're such a tease," Dorian muttered, and sent that exact message to Cullen. He was about to put his phone away and get back to work when his phone pinged again.

_Dinner tonight? :)_

Dorian thought quickly. He had a thankfully short shift today, finishing at 3 o'clock, and although he'd been planning to catch up with Felix, he was sure his friend would be happy to reschedule if it would aid Dorian in breaking his one year sex drought.

He quickly messaged Felix, outlining the situation ( _I might get laid, this is important!_ ) and was unsurprised to get a response consisting of two gifs of Pusheen: one with a sad face, and the other with sunglasses. Dorian took this as _fine, have fun, but you owe me_ and sent him a loving Pusheen back.

 _Dinner would be great - I have to get back to work just now but I finish at 3 - we can work out details then._ Not waiting for a reply, he put his phone away and headed back upstairs.

"How's your boyfriend?" Varric asked, not looking up when Dorian got back to his desk. He was typing away furiously, pausing only to sip his coffee. Varric always took his lunch at his desk, claiming to be too busy, but Dorian knew full well that he spent that time working on his next novel and updating his social media.

"He's not--" Dorian started, but gave up when Varric looked at him, peering over the top of his glasses. "He's fine. We're having dinner tonight."

"Yeah? Good for you." Varric raised his mug in Dorian's direction and turned back to his keyboard. 

"Don't let Cassandra catch you doing that on government time," Dorian warned.

"Oh, please," Varric scoffed. "She's been on my back about this book for months. She's not going to say anything."

The AV suite was blessedly empty for most of the afternoon, and Dorian was able to distract himself from thinking about his second date with Cullen by catching up on some much-needed cataloguing. He managed to bury himself deeply in his work -- an obscure set of DVDs had been donated by someone who enjoyed post-Sixth Blight era Par Vollen films -- and he didn't realise how late it was until Varric told him to go home already.

"So where are you going for dinner?" he asked as Dorian tidied his desk.

"No idea," Dorian said, checking his phone. There was one message from Cullen -- _message me when you're finished_ \-- but nothing about dinner plans, and thankfully nothing from his father. "Maybe I'll take him to Mae's new restaurant. She promised me a discount if I ever brought someone with me."

Varric chuckled. "Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't write about."

"Well, that narrows it down," Dorian replied, rolling his eyes at Varric as he left. On the way to his car he let Cullen know he had finished for the day, and promptly received a reply.

_I have an idea for our date. Pick you up at 5?_

_Where are we going?_

_It's a surprise :)_

A warmth was spreading through Dorian. It was ridiculous, but he _still_ found himself smiling when he remembered that Cullen had been the one to text him first that morning.

Even though the man did overuse smilies. It was disgustingly endearing.

The next two hours were going to go _very_ slowly.

 

By the time five o'clock came around, Dorian was a pacing, sweating, nervous mess. This was the first time he'd had more than one date with a person since his relationship with Rilienus had ended in disaster just over five years ago. Despite everything else that had been going on at that time, he'd almost been glad of the opportunity to leave Minrathous just so he could get away from the fallout of that particular clusterfuck. Since then he'd been able to immerse himself in his studies and later, his job, but aside from a few one night stands and a couple of awkward failed dates which had never evolved past dinner, Dorian had been living a very solitary existence.

 _I think I'm going to be sick_ , he texted Felix. 

_You'll be fine_

Dorian shoved his phone in his pocket and resisted the urge to check himself again in the hall mirror. Cullen had messaged him not long ago to say he would be there in ten minutes, and when his doorbell finally buzzed, Dorian jumped a foot in the air.

"Fuck," he muttered. "Fucking calm down. You'll be fine." He took a deep breath, checked his hair in the mirror, and opened the door.

Cullen was waiting just outside his building, leaning against a car. His face lit up when he saw Dorian, and there was no way Dorian wasn't going in for a kiss. It was merely a brief touch of lips, but once they were in the car and slightly more hidden from view, he didn't hesitate to pull Cullen in again for a proper hello. 

They broke apart eventually, grinning foolishly at each other. "Hi," said Cullen. 

"Hi yourself," Dorian replied. He cupped Cullen's face, running a thumb down the side of his jaw. "So where are we going?"

Cullen grinned. "It's a surprise."

 

"IKEA?" Dorian said, bemused. "Why IKEA? Is this a date or a shopping trip?"

"Oh please," Cullen scoffed, "everything in your apartment is from IKEA."

"Well yes, but--"

"Which led me to the conclusion that you _love_ IKEA." Cullen had a smug grin on his face as he pulled into a parking space.

The man had a point. Dorian really did love IKEA. Not only did the furniture fit his minimalistic style, it was within the budget of a chronically underpaid librarian. "So… we're going to wander a homewares store for our date?"

Cullen nodded. "I need a new bookcase. I thought you might be able to help me put it together."

Dorian hid his smile as they got out of the car. "I can't believe you took me to IKEA on a date," he muttered, and Cullen tossed him a wide grin.

He had to admit, as they entered the store, that Cullen's choice of venue was inspired. Dorian could easily spend an entire day -- and an entire paycheck -- in IKEA, picking up stuff he didn't even know he needed. Cushions, rugs, ornaments -- that and more always ended up in his shopping cart. 

"Don't let me buy too much!" Dorian hissed when Cullen grabbed a cart. Cullen gave him a fond look.

"Is that likely to be a problem?"

"You've seen how much IKEA stuff I have," Dorian pointed out. "What do _you_ think?"

 

In the end, the damage wasn't too bad. Cullen managed to stick to just the bookcase he needed, and Dorian got away with only a few photo frames, some storage jars for the kitchen, and a new rug. Considering the last time he'd been to IKEA he'd ended up spending several hundred crowns, he felt that he'd been pretty restrained. He was also pleased that he and Cullen hadn't had any arguments in the aisles. Every time Dorian went to IKEA there was at least one couple shouting loudly about furniture, but the worst he and Cullen had was a mild disagreement over the colour of Dorian's new rug.

They ended up having dinner there as well, filling up on Anderfels meatballs and unpronounceable side dishes. Dorian spent some time going into detail about his studies and what it was like being a librarian, but slowly started to notice he was doing all the talking. 

"I'm terribly sorry," he said, "I've barely asked you anything about yourself."

Cullen cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture Dorian had quickly learned meant Cullen was nervous. "Not much to tell, really. I, ah, I was a cop."

"Was? So you're not anymore?"

"No. Not for about a year."

Dorian waited for him to elaborate but Cullen didn't go on. "So now you're…"

Cullen coughed again. "I'm kinda between jobs," he admitted. His face was flushed, clearly embarrassed.

"A gentleman of leisure, then?" Dorian asked.

Cullen chuckled. "You could say that. You, ah, don't have to worry. I got an excellent payout from the department when I left and as long as I find something within the next two years I'll be fine."

Cullen still looked nervous -- there was clearly more that he wasn't telling Dorian, but as this was only their second date, Dorian decided to drop it. 

"So what do you do to keep yourself occupied?" he asked, spearing the last meatball off his plate and popping it into his mouth. 

"Oh, you know. Reading. Video games. Taught myself to cook, which my roommate seems to appreciate. And I go for a walk for an hour or so every day. That started after I spent my first two weeks sitting on my ass all day and realised I'd need to keep myself active."

"I bet," Dorian replied, admiring Cullen's self control. Dorian was pretty sure if it had been him, he'd _still_ be on the couch. 

"And, as you've probably figured out, I have a lot of time to go to the library and watch movies."

"You know, I'd been wondering about that," Dorian said thoughtfully. "Most people don't watch the DVDs at the library. They take them home."

Cullen blushed bright red. "Um. Yeah. I used to do that."

"What happened?"

"You started working there," Cullen said, looking shyly at Dorian. He tugged at the neck of his shirt. "Is it warm in here?" he muttered. 

"Scorching," Dorian replied, grinning widely and sliding a foot forward so it was pressed against Cullen's. 

Dorian didn't think it was possible for Cullen to turn even more red, but he did, his face creased up in a smile. He tentatively reached across the table and covered Dorian's hand with his own. "I had such a crush on you," he admitted.

"Oh, really?" Dorian teased. He kept his eyes locked on Cullen's, refusing to glance away and miss the sight of the man blushing and smiling shyly. "Tell me more."

Cullen coughed. "You, uh." He waved his hand vaguely in the air. "Tall. Really cute. You're, ah, friendly. And I really like _this_." He reached over and touched Dorian's cheek, stroking his beard with his fingertips. 

A jolt went through Dorian, like lightning flashing through his body and grounding itself between his legs. " _Fasta vass_ ," he cursed, "we've been wasting so much time." He slid his pinky finger into Cullen's, and they stared foolishly at each other for a few moments before Cullen cleared his throat and glanced away. 

"Want to come help me build a bookcase?" he asked. 

"I'd love to."

 

"This is ridiculous!" Dorian tossed the Allen key aside. "Are you sure you have all the screws?"

Cullen frowned and looked carefully at the floor around him, shuffling around on his hands and knees trying to find the missing screw. "I'm pretty sure I got _OW_! Fuck!"

Dorian blinked at him. "Found it?"

Cullen reached under his knee and held up the offending screw. "Found it."

It was the last one, and once that was screwed in, they heaved the bookcase upright before taking it over to the empty space on the wall. Dorian could see why Cullen had needed the trip to IKEA -- there were bookcases all over his apartment, but every single one was stuffed full with books crammed onto every available piece of shelf. Dorian hated when shelves were double stacked, and was probably going to need a new bookcase himself soon to prevent it.

"Want to help me fill it up?" Cullen asked, dusting his hands off and pushing his hair off his face.

"Why not?" Dorian eyed the piles of books on the floor. "Are these the ones you prepared earlier?"

Cullen laughed. "No. They're the ones that have been living on the floor for the past few weeks since my last one overflowed."

Dorian looked at him in horror. "Heathen!"

"I know."

They filled the shelves up quickly, despite Dorian's insistence upon alphabetising everything. "You really don't need to," Cullen protested. "None of the other shelves are organised."

"Don't tell me that," Dorian said with a sigh. "I'll be here all night arranging your books."

"Or you could, uh," Cullen cleared his throat, "I mean, you could stay the night anyway." 

Dorian didn't even need to turn from his examination of another one of the bookcases to know that Cullen would be blushing a fiery red again. He felt a flush darken his own face, and he smiled. "What about your roommate?" he asked.

"She's out. Staying the night at her girlfriend's." Cullen coughed nervously. "You don't have to. If you have plans--"

"I have the morning off tomorrow," Dorian blurted out. "And no, I don't have any plans."

"Oh! That's -- that's good." 

Dorian turned around to see Cullen, as he'd expected, rubbing the back of his neck and smiling despite the pink flushing his face and neck. There was an awkward silence, neither of them knowing quite where to go from here, before Cullen asked, "I don't suppose you'd like a drink?"

 

Two glasses of wine and several episodes of Star Trek later, Cullen once again found himself on a couch with Dorian straddling his thighs. It was almost a repeat of the previous evening, except this time he was pretty sure things were going to go further. Dorian's hands were all over him, sliding up his shirt as he kissed Cullen with desperate abandon. 

"Dorian," Cullen mumbled. Dorian ignored him, pressing their chests together as he kissed Cullen.

"Oh, fuck," Cullen breathed. He grabbed Dorian's ass, enjoying the pert round feel of it in his hands, and dragged him closer so his crotch was pressed against Cullen's. He could feel the heat of Dorian's erection even through denim and he groaned, unable to stop himself from jerking his hips up to rut against him.

"That's the idea," Dorian murmured, letting go of his mouth to nuzzle and kiss his neck just below his ear.

"Do you--" Cullen moaned as Dorian bit gently on his earlobe, then soothed the bite with a swipe of his tongue. "Do you want to move to the bedroom?" This could prove problematic; try as he might, he couldn't get his hands off Dorian. Their hips were moving together, and the heat rising through his body made Cullen groan.

"Or we could stay here," Dorian replied, his hands making quick work of the buttons on Cullen's shirt. Cullen had a moment of panic, hoping Dorian wasn't going to be put off by his less-than-impressive physique -- a year out of the police had taken its toll -- but Dorian just hummed in approval and slid his hands down Cullen's sides. Cullen cursed loudly and squirmed, his cock starting to get uncomfortably hard in his pants.

"Oh, fuck," he said again, and fumbled with the front of Dorian's jeans, desperate to get his hands on him. All thoughts of moving this to the bedroom faded when he finally got Dorian's jeans open and his briefs pushed down to free his cock. He wrapped a hand around it, tentatively stroking the soft skin, and Dorian moaned, leaning his forehead against Cullen's and panting.

"Feels so good," he gasped, hips jerking into Cullen's hand. Cullen looked down, admiring the firm flesh sliding through his fist, the flushed head of Dorian's cock starting to leak small beads of precome. He smeared it over the head of his cock, slicking it up enough to lessen the friction, and stroked him faster.

"Dorian," Cullen said softly, unable to keep the desperate need out of his voice. "Please--"

"Yes, yes," Dorian said, kissing him hard and fast while he quickly popped open the button on Cullen's jeans. He had his cock in his hand within seconds and gave it a firm stroke.

"Fuck, feels so good," Cullen whined, bucking his hips. "You feel so good."

Dorian tilted his head to the side and kissed Cullen's neck, nuzzling and licking as he jerked him off. "After you left last night," he whispered, "I jerked off _twice_."

"You--" A torrent of lust blazed through Cullen and he tried to concentrate on his hand on Dorian's cock.

"Once right after you left," Dorian hissed, biting his ear. "I was in the hall, you'd just left, and I jerked off _right there_. Came all over myself."

"Maker," Cullen moaned, the mental image sending shockwaves of need through him. "Dorian--"

"Then I had a shower, went to bed, and jerked off _again_ because you got me so fucking hot." His hand tightened on Cullen's dick, grinding their hips together as the pace increased. " _Kaffas_ , I wanted you to fuck me so badly."

"Me too," Cullen forced out. His hand was slick and wet with precome, as was Dorian's, and it was wonderfully messy.

"What, you wanted to fuck me or you jerked off too?"

"Both. And are you kidding?" Cullen slid his hand down the back of Dorian's jeans, gripping his ass. "I wanted to jerk off in the car. But your street is _stupidly_ well lit." He kissed Dorian, a quick slide of tongue and lips. "And when I got home, Leliana was here."

Dorian chuckled. "Poor thing." He leaned in for another kiss and for a moment they were lost in it, tasting and exploring as their hands moved swiftly.

"I'm close," Cullen gasped.

"Tell me about last night," Dorian said softly.

"I--" Cullen stuttered, his head falling back as he moaned loudly. His balls were tightening, his entire body on edge, and Dorian's hand felt _so fucking good_. "I went to bed. Thought about sucking your dick."

"You can do that later," Dorian promised.

"I-- I want to." Cullen glanced down and bit his lip. "I wanted to so bad last night. Came all over myself thinking about it."

"Maker," Dorian whispered, and leaned down to kiss him again.

They fell silent, barring the soft moans and the slick sounds of them jerking off. Cullen could barely think, let alone speak, and he tried to pay attention to Dorian's flushed face and his increasingly desperate sounds. He loved the feel of his cock in his hand, firm and hot, and he gasped when Dorian came, covering his hand and chest. 

" _Fuck_ yes," Dorian moaned, his body going limp against Cullen's. He didn't stop stroking Cullen, much to his relief, and it only took a few more strokes before Cullen tensed up and came with a shout. 

"You made a mess," Dorian pointed out.

Cullen grinned stupidly. "So did you." He felt wrung out, exhausted, and ridiculously _happy_. Dorian grinned down at him and leaned in for a kiss. 

"Better get you cleaned up," he murmured, continuing to kiss Cullen. 

"Mmm. Definitely," Cullen agreed, sliding a hand up the back of Dorian's neck and kissing him again. 

It only took a few minutes for Cullen to start feeling a bit grossed out by the come drying on his chest, and he eventually broke the kiss with some reluctance. Dorian grabbed the box of tissues from the coffee table and they did a quick cleanup. 

"Ugh," Cullen muttered. "It's all through my chest hair." 

"Is that an invitation to have a shower?" Dorian's smile was sly and his eyes twinkled.

"It is now."

 

Cullen's shower was delightfully spacious. Plenty of room for two grown men, and Cullen immediately took advantage. The tiles were almost painfully solid under his knees, but the payoff was worth it when he finally got his mouth around Dorian's cock.

It was just as good as he'd imagined. Dorian groaned and curled his fingers into Cullen's hair, curses falling from his lips as Cullen slid his mouth as far down as he could. The sounds Dorian was making were music to Cullen's ears; listening to the whimpers and moans were enough to make his own cock stiffen up again. He ignored it, wanting to concentrate purely on Dorian's pleasure, and he slid his hands around to cup Dorian's ass.

Dorian groaned, leaning against the wall of the shower. Cullen could feel the tension in his ass as he tried not to thrust, and he sucked harder and faster, not caring that there were rivulets of water trickling down his face. This was all he wanted: Dorian, around him, inside him, his sheer presence in Cullen's life. 

Cullen slid his fingers between the cheeks of Dorian's ass, stroking gently over his hole. Dorian gasped and Cullen grinned around his cock, tugging him closer and encouraging him to thrust a little as he rubbed the sensitive skin. Dorian let out a choked-off groan and Cullen looked up to immediately meet his gaze. Dorian was watching him, a look of wonder and desire on his face, and Cullen couldn't wipe the smile from his face when Dorian gently cupped his cheek.

The moment hung there, tentative and brief, each of them seeing their own emotions reflected in the other's eyes. Then Cullen swallowed and Dorian swore loudly, his head falling back to lean against the shower wall. It was over mere seconds later as Dorian came with another muttered curse.

"Was that as good as you'd hoped?" Dorian asked, his hand still on Cullen's cheek. Cullen couldn't help but turn his head slightly and kiss Dorian's palm, not caring that he was smearing come all over his hand. The water washed it away within seconds and he kissed him again. 

"Even better," Cullen replied, and leaned in to place a single kiss on the tip of Dorian's cock. Dorian flinched and pulled back, laughing, before leaning down and helping Cullen to his feet. He practically fell into Dorian's arms, all the muscles in his legs seizing up at once, but he couldn't find a reason to be annoyed. Not when Dorian's arms were around him and they were pressed together from chest to knee. Dorian was all lean muscle and long slender limbs, everything about him quite a contrast to Cullen.

He couldn't find it in himself to feel self conscious about it when Dorian kissed him softly and pulled him in even closer, leaning back against the wall and spreading his legs so Cullen could settle between his thighs. "Want me to help with that?" he asked, curling a hand around Cullen's dick. 

It was almost embarrassing how little it took. Cullen was already halfway there from making Dorian come, and he panted into his shoulder as Dorian's soapy hand slid over his cock. He came with a gasp and Dorian pulled his head around for a kiss as he worked him through his orgasm. 

Cullen's knees, still sore from kneeling on the tiles, almost gave out, and Dorian laughed as he held him up. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian starts to learn a bit more about Cullen, all while keeping quiet about his own problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovely art by dankou!

"Any strange sleeping habits I should know about?" Dorian asked as he slid into bed next to Cullen. His bed was delightfully big -- a king size, if Dorian had to guess -- but he still took great pleasure in curling up as close to Cullen as he could get. It had been a _very_ long time since he'd shared a bed with anyone and damn it, he was going to make the most of it. 

"Strange sleeping habits?" Cullen asked. He was deliciously warm all over and didn't even hesitate before wrapping an arm around Dorian and pulling him in so their bodies were pressed together. Dorian found himself relishing the feel of Cullen's soft body against his own; he was mostly used to sleeping with men who spent several hours a day at the gym, and it was incredibly delightful to be wrapped around someone with a bit more body fat. There were no hard angles to him, and Dorian found himself _snuggling_. 

"Oh, you know. Sleepwalking. Snoring. I've been told I sometimes talk in my sleep."

Cullen tensed up. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Probably best I warn you. I get pretty bad nightmares sometimes."

"Hmm," Dorian responded. "From your time in the police, I'm guessing."

Cullen exhaled. "Yeah. From then."

"Should I wake you if you start having one?"

"Very carefully," Cullen said softly, as though he was ashamed. "And stay away from my fists. Shake my foot, or something."

"Sweet Andraste, man," Dorian said. "Does this happen to you every night?"

Cullen laughed weakly. "Thank the Maker, no. I haven't had one for a few weeks, actually. Just thought I should warn you. In case." He looked at Dorian and smiled hopefully. "Don't want to scare you off just yet."

"Oh, don't worry," Dorian said wryly, "I'm sure I'll do that to you first."

"Not likely," Cullen said with a smile, and he reached up to cup Dorian's face before drawing him in close for a kiss. Dorian leaned in eagerly, sliding a hand down Cullen's arm as their legs tangled together under the covers. It felt wonderful, to be naked in bed with someone and to have their body pressed up against his own. It wasn't even sexual -- Dorian almost laughed at the thought of getting it up again so soon -- but damn, he was enjoying Cullen's tongue sliding into his mouth, his soft moans, the comfort of his arms around him. 

"This is really nice," Cullen breathed between kisses. 

"Mmhmm," Dorian hummed, sliding his hand into Cullen's hair to guide the angle of the kiss. It was thick and soft, tangling delightfully in Dorian's fingers, and he could feel Cullen's mouth curving up in a smile.

 

Dorian woke in the middle of the night to find himself alone. A quick check of his phone told him it was just after three in the morning and he frowned, wondering where Cullen was. The immediate assumption was that he had got up to use the bathroom, and Dorian turned on the bedside light and read Facebook for a few minutes, waiting for him to get back. Perhaps they could kiss some more. Dorian had _really_ enjoyed kissing Cullen. A message flashed up from his mother, which made Dorian frown -- she never messaged him unless something bad had happened -- but when he realised that all it said was _reply to your father's messages_ , he ignored it and went back to browsing his feed.

After a while, Dorian realised that Cullen wasn't coming back any time soon, and he rolled out of bed to check on him. Trusting that his roommate was out all night as Cullen had said, he pulled on just a t-shirt and underwear before venturing out into the dark hallway. 

Cullen was in the living room, sitting on the couch in the dark, the streetlights coming through the curtains barely illuminating his still form. He sat with his elbows on his knees, leaning forward with his face buried in his hands. 

"Cullen?" Dorian said quietly. "Are you okay?" Briefly he wondered if he'd been snoring loudly enough to drive him from the bed. 

"Dorian," Cullen whispered. "Sorry. I'll come back to bed soon."

"Is everything okay?" Dorian repeated. "Sorry if I kept you awake--"

"No," Cullen interrupted. "It wasn't you."

Despite wanting to go back to the warm, comfortable bed, Dorian could tell something was amiss. He crossed the room and sat next to Cullen. "You're shaking," Dorian realised. "Are you cold?" It seemed a silly thing to ask when Cullen was bundled up in a hoodie while Dorian was in only his underwear and a thin shirt. 

"No," Cullen gasped, and Dorian realised he was short of breath as well. "I-- I probably should have warned you about the panic attacks as well."

" _Kaffas_ ," Dorian said softly, suddenly feeling hopelessly unprepared. "What do you need me to do?"

"Can you--" Cullen sounded like he was near tears. "Can you stay here?"

"Do you want to lie down? Is it okay if I touch you?"

Cullen nodded slowly and Dorian carefully eased him over onto his side so his head was resting on Dorian's lap. He was still breathing rapidly, shallowly, and Dorian carefully stroked the sweaty hair off his forehead as Cullen clutched desperately at Dorian's thigh. Cullen didn't react badly to the touch so he kept going, stroking his fingers through his hair soothingly. "It's okay," he murmured. "It'll pass. You're okay."

"Can't breathe," he muttered. "Hurts."

"I know, but you'll be okay," Dorian assured him, rubbing slow circles into his back. "Breathe with me, alright? Slow and deep." 

It must have been almost fifteen minutes before Cullen's breathing finally evened out and he started to relax. Dorian was cold, tense, and exhausted, but he couldn't bring himself to move until Cullen did.

"Hey," he said softly when Cullen turned his head to look at him. His eyes were damp and he looked as tired as Dorian felt. "Feeling better?"

"I'm so sorry," Cullen whispered. He sat up quickly and got to his feet, staggering for a moment before righting himself. "If you want to go, I'll understand. I can drive you home--"

"Cullen," Dorian interrupted, "I'll go if you want me to, but let me assure you, I don't _want_ to leave." 

Cullen turned to look at him, surprise in his face. "Really?"

"Really." Dorian got up off the couch, stretching his arms up above his head. "Why don't you go back to bed, I'll get you some water."

Cullen nodded and shuffled off while Dorian padded into the kitchen. He leaned against the sink for a minute or so after filling and draining a glass of water. That… had been unexpected. It seemed Cullen had a few more issues than he'd been letting on, and Dorian wondered, not for the first time, what had happened to the man.

He refilled the glass and headed back to the bedroom. The important question was, did Dorian want to get to know Cullen well enough to deal with whatever had happened to him?

When he walked through the bedroom door and saw that curly mop of blond hair sticking out from under the covers, he realised that the answer was unequivocally _yes_.

 

"Why don't you Google him?" Felix asked. 

"Maker, no," Dorian said, horrified. "That would be an unforgivable breach of privacy."

"I'm just saying. If he was a cop and something bad happened, his name will probably be in news reports. Do you know where he was stationed?"

" _No_. He'll tell me when he's ready. Felix...." Dorian pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing around his small living room. "He thought I'd leave after he had a panic attack. Doing that -- going behind his back -- it would be like a betrayal. I won't."

There was a silence on the other end of the phone, then Felix sighed. "He's lucky to have you."

"Ha! As if I'm not without my own issues. Speaking of, my father has been emailing, texting, _and_ calling me this week."

"What? Dorian, it's been five years since you left!"

"And yet he persists. I delete them, and I ignore his calls, but to be honest I'm a bit worried." Dorian sighed. Felix was the one person he felt he could confide in about his problems with Halward. "I caught the first line of an email the other day. He says he's going to be in Denerim in a month or so and expects to see me."

Felix inhaled sharply. "Does he know where you live?"

"Not as far as I know. I assume that if he did, I'd be receiving letters as well."

"Dorian--"

"I'll be fine," he insisted.

"If you need somewhere to stay--"

"Thank you," Dorian said quietly, truly meaning it. "We'll see how things go." Dorian's cheap apartment had nothing like the security measures Felix's had, and he had to admit to himself that he would feel safer there knowing his father was in the same city as him.

"Good. You ever need me to go back home and kick his ass for you, the offer still stands."

Dorian smiled. Felix had been making the same offer for the past five years, ever since Dorian had shown up on his doorstep in the middle of the night with a small bag and a mild concussion, exhausted after hitching a ride all the way from Minrathous to Denerim.

"One day, I'm going to take you up on that. Besides, if he's going to be in Denerim, you may not actually need to go far to do that."

"Anything you need, you let me know."

Felix's calm voice washed over him, and Dorian was glad he was alone in his apartment. He could feel the start of tears prickling his eyes, and he swiped a hand over his face with a grimace. His head was aching again as well; the therapist he'd seen for a few months after arriving in Denerim had told him it might linger for quite some time and hurt during times of stress. All in his head, of course, but that didn't make the pain any less real.

"Thank you," he said quietly, and once he had hung up he pushed the remains of his dinner aside and turned the Playstation on, hoping to distract himself from the memories of his father's fist crunching into his face so long ago.

 

_He's never going to stay._

"Shut up, Eamon," Cullen said calmly. 

_He'll find out and he'll leave you. Just like everyone else has._

"Nope," Cullen replied, scrubbing another glass clean and stacking it on the dish rack. 

_You're broken. You'll always be broken._

"Can you not? I'm busy," Cullen muttered. "Also, you're wrong. I'm getting better."

_He's just in it for the sex._

"Unlikely. I think he likes me."

_He must have been so freaked out when you had a panic attack. He's never going to want to be with someone as fucked up as you are._

"If that's what he's like, then I don't want to be with him anyway." He savagely attacked the rice cooked onto the bottom of a saucepan. 

He was distracted from the conversation with himself by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him. It was Leliana, leaning against the the doorframe and smiling. 

"Is Eamon bothering you again?" she asked with a smile on her face. 

"Stop laughing at me. It helps." He scowled at her and she raised her hands defensively. 

"Not laughing!" she said, and grabbed a tea towel to start drying the dishes. "I'm just still amused that you call your anxiety voice _Eamon_."

Cullen shrugged. "Sera's idea. She said I should try using a name I find obnoxious so I can dismiss it more easily. It works quite well most days."

"She's really helping you, isn't she?" Leliana's voice was quiet and warm. 

"She is. She's a bit unconventional, I gotta admit, but she's better than any of the state sponsored counselors I tried who all wanted me to relive the whole thing in detail. She gives me tools to cope with everything."

"Good! And now that that's out of the way…"

Cullen glanced over at her and rolled his eyes. She was grinning ear to ear and obviously had something on her mind. "What is it?" he asked, pretty sure he knew the answer.

"So… Dorian was here last night. For the _entire_ night."

"And?"

She didn't reply, just grinned wider.

"Oh, shut it," he muttered, grabbing a tea towel and half-heartedly snapping her with it. He couldn't hide his own smile, though, and from the heat rising in his face, he knew his cheeks were bright red. He turned back to the sink and kept washing. "He's really nice," he said quietly.

"Does he know yet?"

"A little," Cullen admitted. He was quiet for a moment, washing a few plates and stacking them up. "He knows I was a cop. And that I get panic attacks." He sighed. "He knows this because I had one in the middle of the night and he found me in the living room."

"Oh, Cullen," Leliana said softly, and came to stand behind him. Her hand was warm on his shoulder, and he took a deep breath, grounding himself. "What happened?"

"I had a nightmare. Not the usual one." He scrubbed at a patch of cheese melted onto a pan. "I was alone. Completely. I don't even really know how to describe it. And it set me off on a spiral."

"I'm guessing that he stayed."

Cullen glanced at her and smiled. "He did. Sat with me until it was over, then sent me back to bed while he got me a drink."

Leliana's eyes softened and she smiled back. "I think you've found a keeper."

 

The next couple of weeks passed in a haze of bliss for Dorian. He saw Cullen almost every evening, either driving to his place after work or meeting him at home, where one or both of them cooked dinner. Dorian was inordinately pleased to learn that Cullen had picked up a taste for Tevinter cuisine somewhere along the way, and he delighted in testing him with the spices and rich flavours of his home. Evenings were spent either watching something on Netflix or sharing a comfortable quiet as they both read books while curled up on the couch before inevitably moving to the bedroom. Nights were a delicious tangle of limbs under the blankets as they fell into a sated sleep together.

The first time they had sex was unexpected, unplanned, and almost hilarious in the way everything seemed to want to go wrong.

"Stop tearing the bloody condoms!" Cullen groaned as Dorian tossed the third now-useless thing aside.

"I'm trying!" Dorian said through gritted teeth, ripping a fourth one off the strip from Cullen's drawer and very carefully tugging at the edges. "My blighted hands are all slippery now! Damn!" He managed to get a tiny corner of the foil packet torn off, and was about to throw the damn thing across the room and call it quits when Cullen reached up to help, his hands a lot less covered in lube than Dorian's and much better equipped to open the packaging.

"Want me to put it on you, too?" Cullen asked, a grin lighting up his flushed face. His cock was still hard against his belly, a contrast to Dorian's now-flagging erection, and Dorian sighed.

"Give me a minute. I'm going to have to -- oh!" Cullen wrapped a hand around Dorian's cock, interrupting whatever he was going to say, and he groaned softly as he started hardening up again. Without any further fumbling, Cullen deftly rolled the condom onto him and lay back, a smug grin on his face.

"Shut up," Dorian muttered, "it's been a while, okay?" He leaned down to kiss Cullen's laughing mouth briefly before dragging his lips down his neck. He knew how much Cullen loved the scratchy feel of his beard against him, and he nuzzled him until Cullen had stopped laughing and instead was moaning and thrusting his hips up.

Perhaps things would start going right again. Gingerly balancing on his sore wrist, having fallen heavily on it not five minutes earlier while fucking Cullen with his fingers, Dorian slid between Cullen's thighs and carefully guided his cock to Cullen's slick entrance.

"Ready?" Dorian asked softly, looking down at Cullen. His hair was spread on the pillow like a halo, and he grinned up at Dorian, his face flushed from more than just having Dorian's beard scrape against the tender skin.

"Ready," Cullen replied. He lifted his hips and wrapped his legs around Dorian's waist, pulling him in, and Dorian groaned as the head of his cock slid into slick, tight warmth.

" _Maker_ ," he murmured, dropping to his elbows and thrusting slowly. Cullen sighed softly and wrapped his arms around Dorian, their hips moving in sync. Dorian could feel Cullen's dick trapped between them, hard and leaking, and he was torn whether to prop himself up so he could stroke him, or stay where he was and feel Cullen's body pressed against him from head to knees.

Cullen answered the question for him, sliding a hand down to briefly squeeze Dorian's ass before slipping between them and taking himself in hand. Dorian's thrusts quickly progressed from slow and languid to more desperate, until the slap of their bodies coming together echoed loudly in Cullen's room.

"Fuck, you feel good," Dorian gasped, his forehead pressed against Cullen's, their breath mingling in the suddenly-stifling air of the room. Sweat was starting to bead at his temples and in the small of his back, and Cullen grunted in response, tightening the vice-like grip of his thighs around Dorian's waist.

"Maker, I won't last," Cullen responded, his voice scratchy with lust. His hand was moving quickly on his cock now, short sharp strokes in time with Dorian's thrusts, and Dorian moaned, wanting to see more. He pushed himself up, sitting back with Cullen spread across his lap, and fucked him even harder, the new angle allowing for deeper penetration.

Cullen was a vision beneath him, his normally pale skin flushed all over as he looked up at Dorian. He smiled, wide and blinding, his entire body clenching as he came, and Dorian couldn't resist leaning down to kiss him again as his own orgasm washed over him.

"Maker's breath," Cullen whispered, his eyes closed and a look of bliss on his face.

Dorian couldn't be sure, but he wondered if that swelling he felt in his chest when he looked down at Cullen was love.

 

It wasn't until the third week of their relationship that Dorian realised the true extent of what Cullen had meant when he told him about his nightmares. 

Things had started extremely well, with Cullen staying over at Dorian’s place this time. They cooked dinner together and watched Star Trek this time -- Cullen had such a crush on Riker, and it would have been amusing if Dorian hadn’t secretly felt the same -- and they’d ended up having sex on the floor. 

Pretty good sex, all told. Dorian was pretty sure he had some carpet burn on his ass cheeks, but it had been worth it. They’d staggered off to bed just after midnight and Cullen had promptly fallen asleep. Dorian watched him snore for a while, a smile on his face and wondering how he’d managed to get so lucky to have this man in his bed and his life.

He was rudely awakened horribly early in the morning when something hit the side of his face.

"Fuck! Ow! What? What’s going on?" His heart pounding from the abrupt awakening, he reached over to turn on the bedside light. His cheek was aching from the blow and he pressed the heel of his hand to it, wincing.

Cullen was thrashing, moaning, and Dorian realised the blow had been from one of Cullen’s _fists._

Fuck. He remembered the first night they’d spent together a couple of weeks ago, when Cullen had warned him about the nightmares. What had he told him to do? Wake him carefully, and avoid the fists.

Dorian edged his way down the bed until he reached Cullen’s feet, and gently shook one. "Cullen," he said softly, "wake up. Please."

"No! Get away!" Cullen blurted out, his words slurred and half-formed. Dorian winced and shook his foot again, harder. He earned a kick in the side from Cullen’s other foot, but it didn’t have nearly the same power behind it as his fists. Cullen grunted and mumbled and finally, _finally_ , his eyes opened and he blinked at Dorian.

"Dorian?" he said softly. "Did I -- oh Maker, I’m so sorry."

"I’ll be fine," Dorian said, touching his cheek and hissing through his teeth. "Bit of a bruise, but I’ve had worse." _At least you didn't break my eye socket and knock me out, unlike someone else I could name_ , he thought.

"I’m sorry," Cullen said again, looking down and clenching his fists. "I’ll go sleep on the couch if you wanted to get a few more hours of sleep."

"Nonsense," Dorian said, and yawned. He glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was actually very close to morning. "If we go back to sleep now, I’ll never get up in time for work."

"Do you want some ice for that?" Cullen asked. He looked as though he was about to burst into tears, and Dorian took pity. It wasn’t his fault he had such awful nightmares.

"In a minute," Dorian replied, crawling back up the bed so he could slide under the covers again and wrap his arms around Cullen. "But I think you can make breakfast this morning; I’m a bit too sore."

Cullen chuckled quietly. "Fair enough. But I do plan on making you say that again one day, for _very_ different reasons."

Dorian laughed, glad of an excuse to lighten the mood. "I’ll hold you to that," he said, and smiled as Cullen wormed his way close and buried his face in Dorian's chest. Dorian's phone chose that moment to start ringing, but he ignored it in favour of pulling the covers over his and Cullen's heads so the sound was muffled.

"Who keeps calling you?" Cullen asked sleepily, his breath warm against Dorian's chest.

"No one," Dorian said quietly. He hadn't told Cullen about his father yet. Not that he didn't want to, or was ashamed, he just -- didn't want to burden Cullen, who had his own problems to deal with.

No sense in saddling him with Dorian's as well.

Cullen pulled away a little, pushing the covers back and propping himself up on an elbow. "Dorian…" he started, but Dorian shook his head.

"Not now, okay?" he pleaded. Cullen's expression softened and he nodded. "One day I'll tell you all about why I'm in Denerim, not Minrathous, but--"

"It's okay," Cullen replied. "Look, I haven't told you everything--"

"--and you don't have to until you want to," Dorian interjected quickly.

"And the same goes for you," Cullen said. Dorian looked down at him, the sleepy smile still on his face and his hair a riot of curls across Dorian's chest, and was overcome with such a strong surge of love for this man that it almost left him gasping.

Time for that later, too. He remembered only too well how much he thought he'd loved Rilienus, only to find out that what he'd been infatuated with was a shell, a lie.

Not this time.

He stared at the ceiling, trying not to think about the fact that his father would be in Denerim at the end of the week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian's problems aren't in the background anymore, and Cullen finds himself taking steps he never would have thought he'd be capable of again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated tags! Nothing graphic or intense, references only.

Dorian glanced at the clock; he still had a few minutes before he had to leave. He was looking forward to his date with Cullen tonight -- they were going to a fairly upscale restaurant (well, as upscale as Denerim had to offer) and then to see a show at the theatre later. Cullen had laughed nervously at the prospect but hadn't hesitated to say yes.

One quick check of his hair in the hall mirror and Dorian was out the door. He found himself humming under his breath as he opened the front door of the building and laughed softly. He was so happy it was _disgusting_. Felix would be horrified.

When someone called his name, he froze. It was not a voice Dorian had ever wanted to hear again and, as his heart sank down to his toes, he turned to look at the man leaning against a sleek black car parked just outside his apartment block. It seemed that dinner and the theatre were off.

 

Dorian was late. Cullen checked the clock again, wondering if he'd read it wrong, but it definitely said six fifteen. Dorian was _never_ late. For the hundredth time, he unlocked his phone to check for missed messages but that, too, was stubbornly unhelpful. 

Had he got the time wrong? Cullen scrolled through their most recent conversation but no, Dorian had definitely said _I'll be at your place at 6_. He'd even included a smiley, which at the time had made Cullen laugh softly. Clearly he was rubbing off on the man. 

He wasn't laughing at seven o'clock; he was panicking. Not a panic attack yet, thank the Maker, but Dorian hadn't answered his phone and Cullen had been pacing for the past half hour as the nervous tension threatened to overload him. He had called Dorian at least ten times, but his phone had been turned off and just went straight to voicemail.

_Of course he's stood you up,_ Eamon helpfully informed him. _He's tired of all the baggage that comes with you._

"Not true," Cullen said quietly, but this time, it didn't do anything to help. By the time Leliana arrived home from work at half past seven, Cullen was curled up in a ball on the couch and struggling to breathe past the pain in his chest. She sat next to him and rubbed his back until the worst had passed, and when Cullen was able to tell her what the problem was, she frowned. 

"This isn't like him," she said. "He's never been uncommunicative before, has he?"

Cullen shook his head. Dorian always replied to messages; even if his replies were delayed due to being at work, he always got back to Cullen as soon as he had his phone in hand.

"Then there's something stopping him," she said decisively. "What time does the library close?"

"Ten," Cullen replied, "but I don't think--"

"Get in the car," Leliana said firmly, giving his arm a tug to get him sitting upright. 

 

The library was quiet at this time of night, but there was a minor commotion in the audio visual suite. As Cullen and Leliana walked in, they saw a man about Dorian's age arguing with Varric. He had black hair and was well-dressed, in an obviously tailored suit and designer glasses. 

"You must have heard from him!" the man snapped. 

"I already told you," Varric replied, frustration evident in his voice, "I don't know anything! He was at work today, he left at five o'clock as normal, and--"

"Is this about Dorian?" Cullen interrupted. 

Varric and the stranger turned to look at him, and Cullen found himself immediately being sized up by a pair of dark brown eyes. 

"You must be Cullen," the man said. He stretched his hand out for Cullen to shake. "I'm Felix. Dorian has told me all about you."

"Uh, nice to meet you," Cullen replied. "Are you here about Dorian as well?"

Felix nodded. "He hasn't replied to any of my messages this evening, nor answered his phone. It's very unlike him. I thought maybe he had a change of roster so I stopped by here to check."

"He was supposed to come see me tonight," Cullen said quietly, his hands shoved in his pockets. "He's never late."

"That's true; he hasn't been late once in five years," Varric put in. He pushed his glasses up his nose and looked up at them from his computer. "So what's going on?"

"I have a suspicion, and I don't like it," Felix said. He cleared his throat. "Has he mentioned his father to either of you?"

Varric shook his head, and Cullen frowned. "Is that who's been calling him every day?"

"Probably," Felix replied. He sat down in one of the chairs in front of Varric's desk, and Cullen followed his lead. Leliana, listening silently, stood behind him with a hand resting lightly on his shoulder. It helped, somewhat. 

"What's the deal with his father?" Cullen asked.

Felix looked uncomfortable. "Look, it's not really for me to say." He rubbed a hand through his short hair. "Suffice to say, he was due to visit Denerim this week and Dorian wasn't looking forward to it."

Cullen leaned forward intently. "Is he in danger? Is his father likely to hurt him?" His heart was racing and a nervous sweat had broken out over his forehead.

Felix bit his lip and frowned. "Possibly." He looked Cullen in the eye. "And yes."

"Well, shit," Varric said softly.

Felix stood up so quickly his chair fell over. "I have a key to his place; I was planning to head there next. Let's go."

Someone cleared their throat behind him and Cullen turned to see a tall, imposing woman standing there. 

"Madame Vivienne," Varric said deferentially. Cullen was pretty sure that if he hadn't been sitting behind a desk, the man would have bowed. "Is there something I can help with?"

Vivienne shook her head. "On the contrary, my dear," she replied, handing a card to Felix. "I may be able to help _you_. If you require any help, or any pressure applied to the right place, please do give me a call." She left as quietly as she had arrived, and Varric looked impressed. 

"Who was that?" Cullen asked. 

"Vivienne de Fer," Varric said. "Head librarian. And, according to rumour, one of the most powerful people in Denerim."

Cullen frowned. "Dorian's friend who he watches classic films with sometimes? He mentioned her. I didn't realise she was--" he took a breath, "--so _intense_."

Felix laughed softly. "Wait until you're in the same room as both of them together. You'll feel a damned idiot listening to them talk."

"Already happens," Cullen muttered. Felix gave him a strange look, but refrained from commenting.

 

Dorian's apartment was empty and there were no signs of a struggle. It had been a while since Cullen had left the police force, but he remembered enough to know what to look for in a crime scene. There was nothing obvious in the entire place to indicate anything had gone wrong, but Cullen's anxiety was already going into overdrive. 

"At least it doesn't look like there's been a fight," Felix said, but the words were muffled by the roaring in Cullen's ears. 

_He's gone, he's been taken, he's probably dead_ \--

"Cullen!" Leliana said sharply. 

Cullen blinked and rubbed his eyes. "Sorry. Sorry. I'm okay." He glanced around again, looking more closely for anything out of place, but the apartment looked exactly the same down to the shoes left lying around. It was a habit he'd made fun of Dorian for, as he was forever tripping over the bloody things, and Cullen gritted his teeth. He had to be responsible, stay calm. "Cameras," he realised. "There are cameras outside the door, right?"

"Only the front doors to the building," Felix said. 

"Good enough," Cullen growled.

 

Wheedling access to the security cameras out of the building manager took a combined effort of Cullen's experience as a police officer, Felix's imperious bearing and assured self confidence, and finally, a call to Madame de Fer. It was this last that finally convinced the man that they were in earnest, and he quickly decided that it would be easier for him to let them into his office and view the tapes.

"There," Felix said quietly, hitting the pause button. The timestamp read 5.30pm, and Dorian exited the building only to be stopped by another man before he got more than a few feet away from the front door.

"Who's that?" Cullen asked, fearing he already knew the answer.

"Halward Pavus," Felix said with gritted teeth.

"Wait, _Halward Pavus_?" Leliana asked incredulously.

"Should I know him?" Cullen asked.

"He's a senator in Minrathous. Very powerful. And _very_ conservative. You know the type -- anti-gay, pro-business, likes to buy property in poor suburbs and gentrify it to push all the poor people out." Leliana frowned, peering closely at the monitor. "I should have realised when you told me Dorian's last name."

Felix unpaused the tape, and they watched in silence as Dorian and Halward spoke for a minute or so before leaving together. There did not appear to be any signs of coercion, but Dorian's posture practically screamed that something was wrong.

"This is bad," Felix said softly, and when Cullen glanced over at him he was surprised to see the man's face was almost grey. He straightened up and pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering in Tevene under his breath, and Cullen took it upon himself to thank the manager and drag Felix out of the office, followed closely by Leliana.

"What do we do now?" Felix said, his voice filled with anguish. "He's my oldest friend, you have _no_ idea what Halward is capable of--"

Recognising a burgeoning panic spiral, Cullen placed his hand on Felix's arm. "We'll find him," he said, trying to sound reassuring. "We'll go after him and we'll get him back."

Felix nodded. "Yes. Yes, of course. Forgive me."

Once they were back in Dorian's apartment, Felix sat heavily down on the couch, his face in his hands. "Is it worth calling the police?" he asked Cullen.

Cullen shook his head. "There's nothing to go on. You saw the tape; Dorian went willingly. And no Denerim cop is going to even _think_ about going after a Tevinter senator. They're probably halfway back to Minrathous already." He ignored the roiling of his belly, trying not to assume the worst.

"I'm sorry," Felix said between deep breaths. "I don't mean to go all to pieces, it's just--"

"I know," Cullen replied, trying to keep his voice gentle. Talking Felix through his worries was the only thing staving off Cullen's own anxiety, and he wrestled it to the back of his mind as he tried to think of what to do.

"I doubt they drove back to Minrathous," Felix said slowly. He sat up straight and pulled his phone out of his pocket. "It's thousands of miles, it would take days." His face alight with sudden purpose, he stood and went into the kitchen. Cullen heard faint strains of conversation, and he turned to Leliana.

"I don't know what to do," he said softly, his voice breaking a little.

"I have contacts in Minrathous," she said as he leaned into her, burying his face in her shoulder. "I can make some calls."

Cullen twisted his head to look at her. "Why do _you_ have contacts in Minrathous?" As far as he knew, Leliana had been working in the Chantry for the past few years as a lay sister. She was quiet and unassuming and a good friend, but he'd always suspected she had secrets that he would never uncover.

She laughed softly. "It's a very long story."

Before Cullen could ask any questions, Felix came back into the living room. "I was right about them not driving," he said. "I have a friend who owns a private airfield just outside Denerim, and she just told me she saw the Pavus jet arrive and leave tonight."

"The Pavus _jet_?" Cullen exclaimed. "Who the hell has a private jet these days?"

Felix coughed. "My father has one."

Cullen stared at him incredulously. "Your _father_ \--"

"He's a senator as well," Felix said, sounding irritated. "They get paid a lot, okay? And before you ask, he is in fact in Denerim for the summer, and he has agreed to let me use it. He cares about Dorian as much as I do." His mouth twisted in a pained smile. "Dorian used to stay at our place a lot when we were teenagers."

"I can't believe this," Cullen groaned. "We were going to have a really nice date. A fancy dinner which neither of us could really afford. We were going to see a show. Then probably come home and have sex on the couch. And now I'm about to _board a private jet_ and chase my boyfriend all the way back to Minrathous because _his father kidnapped him_."

"Stranger things have happened to you, Cullen," Leliana pointed out. He glanced over and saw her grinning widely at him, and couldn't help but smile back.

 

It was dark when Dorian woke up feeling like he was paralysed. He struggled to move and winced in pain as his slack limbs shifted. He'd clearly been lying in the same position for a number of hours, and he groaned as he closed his eyes and tried to shake the fog from his mind. The last thing he remembered was boarding his father's jet and taking the glass of water offered him by the silent young woman dressed in clothing bearing the Pavus insignia. He'd scoffed inwardly; _no one_ made their staff wear a uniform with the family crest on it nowadays. Except Halward Pavus, apparently.

"Relax," someone said, and Dorian's eyes flew open again. A faint light shone through an open door and he immediately recognised the silhouette of his father as he came into the room.

"What the fuck?" Dorian spat, or at least tried to. The words came out in a croaking slur, and he grimaced in discomfort at the desert dryness of his mouth. "How long was I asleep?"

"Almost five hours," Halward replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. His old bed, Dorian realised, from when he lived at the estate. He hadn't been here in five years, but from what he could tell in the small amount of light coming into the room, nothing seemed to have changed.

" _Vishante kaffas_ ," he swore, and flinched away as Halward leaned over to flick the bedside light on. The light stabbed into his eyes like knives, and he covered his face with his arm.

"There's no need for that," his father said in a calm voice. It was a voice Dorian knew well; it was the voice Halward used when he was in an icy rage. That voice had preceded a number of instances of Halward's body servant using the cane on a young Dorian. Far be it for the illustrious Senator Halward Pavus to dirty his own hands to abuse a child. Dorian couldn't help but flinch away from the man as visceral memories of his childhood flooded him.

"Where is Mother?" he asked tightly.

"At the country estate," Halward replied. "I didn't want her to get involved." He sighed. "She does tend to get overwrought easily."

"Finding out that your husband has kidnapped your son might do that to you," Dorian said. He refused to look at his father, instead keeping his arm over his face. His limbs were still slack from whatever drug had been put in his drink, and he tried to breathe calmly and evenly as he considered his options. At this stage, there weren't many.

Halward tskd quietly. "You came willingly," he said, shifting on the bed.

"Willingly?" Dorian was so taken aback that he pulled his arm away and stared at his father. "You tell me that if I don't come quietly you'll have my boyfriend _taken care of_. How, exactly, is that _willing_?" The last word was spat out, and Halward frowned.

"This is why you will never make a good Senator, Dorian," he said. "You are too emotional. You are unable to see things clearly and logically."

"Forgive me for getting emotional about things which _directly affect my life_ , father," Dorian said coldly. "At what point in this charade do you tell me what your plans for me are? I'd like to get that bit over as soon as possible so I can go home."

"You _are_ home," Halward replied, and stood up. "There are still some of your clothes in the closet. Refresh yourself and come down to my study when you are ready to talk like an adult." He left without another word, and Dorian lay on his back and stared at the ceiling for quite some time.

Eventually the drugs in his system wore off enough that he could sit up without his head spinning too badly, and he staggered into the ensuite bathroom to relieve his aching bladder and have a shower. He had to admit he did feel a lot better after he'd put on some clean clothes, and he slowly sipped a glass of water as he considered what Halward might be planning and how Dorian might get out of it.

He checked the room briefly, but was unsurprised to find that not only was his cellphone missing, but someone had removed the telephone which used to sit on his old desk. Not that calling anyone would do any good; all the police in Minrathous would be in Halward's pocket, and no one would risk their career to come and rescue the recalcitrant Pavus son who had caused so much scandal in his teenage years. He entertained for a moment that Cullen would come after him, but the thought of his lover confronting his father filled his belly with an icy fear. Best not to think about that.

Eventually there was nothing more he could do to delay the inevitable, and he made his way slowly downstairs and towards his father's study. The manor was dimly lit and strangely empty, his father apparently having dismissed all the servants early. Dorian's footsteps echoed on the marble as he crossed the main entrance, and his lip curled in disgust at the frivolous display of wealth in his childhood home. Maker, Dorian had been living in an apartment the size of the _hall_ here.

He had not missed this.

A strange energy grew in the air surrounding him as Dorian made his way to his father's study, buried deep within the house. If he had to put a name to it, it would be similar to being in a lightning storm. His skin tingled and he could almost taste metal in the air, and his trepidation grew. _What in Thedas was Halward doing?_

 

The trip to Minrathous was surprisingly quick and easy. Cullen had never flown by private jet before -- he wasn't sure he could think of _anyone_ in his life who might have been able to afford one -- and once he got over being impressed by the decor, he accepted Felix's invitation to join him in the cockpit for the journey.

"Once you're in the air, flying is easy," Felix confessed, "and I'm going to need someone to talk to, otherwise I'll be a nervous wreck."

"You and me both," Cullen agreed, strapping himself into the co-pilot's seat. "Should you have an actual co-pilot? You do realise I don't know how to fly a plane?"

Felix waved his concerns away. "It's a short flight. I've flown much further by myself, don't worry."

"Still can't believe you're actually flying this thing," Cullen muttered, and Felix laughed softly.

The takeoff was smooth, and once they were in the air, Felix flicked some switches, pressed some buttons, and leaned back in his chair.

"Am I overreacting?" Cullen asked quietly. "Chasing after Dorian like this? What if--" He cut himself off, frowning.

"What if what?" Felix replied.

Cullen laughed, the sound coming out twisted and pained. "What if he just wanted some time away? From-- from me." He fiddled with the strap of the seat belt, coiling it up and unrolling it again to try to conceal the shaking in his hands. He'd been stewing over this for the past few hours while Felix made phone calls and arrangements.

"No," Felix said decisively. "Definitely not."

Cullen was silent, waiting for Felix to continue. The other man started to speak several times, but each time stopped himself, biting his lip in thought. Eventually Cullen took pity on him. "I'm assuming Dorian's told you about my, um. My issues." He looked away, glad the cockpit was dark enough to conceal his blush.

"He mentioned a few things, yes," Felix said, "but that's got nothing to do with this." He sighed. "Look, Cullen, I've known Dorian since we were five and our families spent weekends at each other's country houses. We've been friends for the past twenty-five years. He stuck by me when I spent several years recovering from the Blight sickness."

Cullen gaped at Felix. "You had Blight sickness?" He was impressed at how well the man looked; most people who caught the Blight ended up spending the rest of their lives a wasted shadow of their former selves. At least it was curable now; legends from the time of the Fifth Blight told of a world living in fear of the Blight until the Hero of Ferelden was able to find a cure some years later.

"It's been a long time, but Dorian was the one friend who didn't leave me." Felix's voice was sad. "But what I mean is -- he's not going to leave you because you're not a perfect, flawless person. "And," he continued, glancing at Cullen with a smile on his face, "I've never seen him so happy as he's been in the past few weeks. It's pretty disgusting, really."

Cullen couldn't help smiling back as the comment sent a tendril of warmth through him.

 

A few hours later they were approaching Minrathous. Cullen peered out the cockpit window, feeling a little bit excited despite the serious purpose of their trip. He'd never travelled so far in his life -- Honnleath to Kinloch was a short drive, and he barely remembered anything from the subsequent journeys to Kirkwall and then Denerim, having only just been declared fit to travel by his psychologists. The lights of the city below them were bright and colourful, and Cullen found himself gaping like a hick from a rural farm visiting a town for the first time.

"It's impressive, I know," Felix said, amusement filling his voice. Cullen didn't care if he was amused or not; he plastered his face to the window and drank in the vast scope of the city. There would be time to worry later, but in the meantime he could admire the view.

It wasn't long before Felix was landing the plane at a small airfield just on the outskirts of the city. It was dark and unmanned at this time of night, but Cullen wasn't surprised to see a smooth, black car waiting for them on the tarmac when they disembarked the plane. A burly man in a dark suit was waiting for them, and he gave Felix a respectful nod before opening the back door of the car. Cullen was about to get in the other side when the man darted in front of him, opening his door as well, and Cullen muttered an embarrassed thanks. 

Once they were ensconced in the back seat of the car and being driven towards the city, Cullen turned to Felix. "What's the plan? Do we just knock on the door and ask for him back?"

Felix shook his head. "I've been in contact with Senator Maevaris Tilani. Your friend Leliana gave me her name, said she would be sympathetic and might help us."

"And?"

"She is, and will." Felix chuckled. "I know her by association; I know that _Dorian_ knows her and is good friends with her, so all I had to do was mention his name and she said she would help. We're meeting with her first and we'll go from there."

 

"It's blood magic," Senator Maevaris Tilani spat before Cullen or Felix could even tell her all the details of what had happened.

Felix frowned. "Blood magic? What are you talking about? That's a myth."

"No, it's history," she replied. She was a lovely blonde woman who, even though it was almost three in the morning, was impeccably presented in a blue dress and immaculate hair. She stood up and started pacing angrily, and Cullen kept his mouth shut. He had no idea what they were talking about, but Felix seemed to have an inkling.

"Are you saying Halward Pavus has been dredging up the forbidden history and actually performing magic? It sounds--"

"Preposterous, I know," Maevaris said, stopping in the middle of the room. "But I've heard rumours about Pavus for a while now. Stories of politicians suddenly changing their views to fit his agenda, people going missing who disagreed with him, and I've been looking into it."

"But why would he use blood magic on Dorian?" Cullen blurted out. It was vile; the very idea of someone using that hideous magic on their own son. He'd heard the stories of blood magic, most of them dating back to the time of the Fifth Blight, but historians of the current era all agreed that it was merely myth with no substance. It was something of a shock to discover that it might actually exist.

Maevaris looked at Felix, her eyes sad. "I think you know why," she said softly.

"Shit," Felix muttered. 

"What?" Cullen demanded. "What are you talking about?"

Felix looked up at him, sorrow in his eyes. "Dorian's been avoiding an arranged marriage for some years now. He's not interested, for obvious reasons. I suspect Halward has given up attempting to talk him into it and is taking steps."

The hairs on the back of Cullen's neck rose up, and he shivered. "Taking steps," he repeated slowly. "To… shit, is he going to try to make Dorian _straight_?"

"That's the logical assumption, yes," Felix replied. 

"Can blood magic actually do that?"

"According to the histories, it's possible," Maevaris said, "but it could also leave him a drooling vegetable. I suppose Pavus has weighed up the options and decided it's worth the risk."

"That's monstrous," Cullen said through gritted teeth. He clenched his fists, trying to control the anger welling up inside him. _No. Don't let it be like in Kirkwall._ He took several deep breaths, forcing himself to relax and let go of his rage.

"What do we do?" Felix asked. "Just march in and take him back?"

"Precisely," Maevaris said firmly. "Come on, I've got a group of well-muscled men with guns to back us up if things go south."

"Thank you," Cullen said softly, looking her in the eye. "I don't know if we'd be able to do this without your help."

Maevaris waved a hand in dismissal, but a small smile graced her mouth. "Happy to help. Now let's go."

**Author's Note:**

> [come find me on tumblr!](http://sherrisscribbles.tumblr.com)


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